Sunday, 5 April 2015

ButtHurt Magazine - Issue 02



ButtHurt Magazine - Issue 02

 
Cover of ButtHurt Magazine Issue #2
Cover of ButtHurt Magazine Issue #2

VIDEO



VIDEO TRANSCRIPT


It is a pleasure to welcome you to the latest issue of Butt-Hurt Magazine. In these pages, you will find an inspiring mix of stories designed to reflect the latest in Butt-hurt across the world! You will discover the array of extraordinary idiots, prudes, social justice warriors, and , gasp, even the odd feminist. Inside our pages, you will get the best micro-aggressions that money can buy. We are excited to share exceptional stories that stir the senses and inspire the "WTF" in all of us.  Let's begin.

Number 1.

The Foaming Jugs.

On March 27th, National Cleavage Day was celebrated.  One game maker, Lionhead Studios, sent out a tweet of an image featuring a well endowed barmaid, with the hash-tag National Cleavage Day.  The image was Re-tweeted over 600 times, before Lionhead removed the tweet and apologized to the minority 200 butt-hurt people that found it offensive.  Where things really get stupid is that the ficticious image, is game artwork from one of Lionhead's own games!  One gaming website posted a image of various butt-hurt tweets with some common sense tweets intermingled.  Apparently the butt-hurt enemy wears uniforms.  They wear either Hipster glasses, and, or, a beard.  And that is just the females.

In a stunning display of hipocracy, Brianna Wu, who is a butt-hurt critic of Gamergate advocates, tweeted how she really enjoyed playing some game as the Sorceress character. The tweet included an image of the character that can only be described as ridiculously well-endowed.  Just 6 hours later, the same Brianna Wu, thanked Lionhead Studios for deleting their terrible tweet of the barmaid image.  Pure. Logic. Fail.
Number 2.

The Lion, the witch, and the butt-hurt.

Swedish military lion gets the snip after women troops protest.
The proud lion of Sweden’s Nordic Battlegroup’s coat of arms has been emasculated because a group of female soldiers lodged a complaint with the European Court of Justice.

A spokesman from the Tradition Commission of the Swedish Army, said: “We were forced to cut the lion’s willy off with the aid of a computer.”

Although the army was supposedly happy to make the changes in the interests of gender equality, the artist who designed the insignia was not, and stated,“A heraldic lion is a powerful and stately figure with its genitalia intact and I cannot approve an edited image."

On critic mentioned that The army lacks knowledge about heraldry. Once upon a time coats of arms containing lions without genitalia were given to those who betrayed the Crown. How fitting for the feminist dominated Sweden.  How long before they clue in that the lion is still a male lion since it has a big mane?  Gender nuetral lion, anyone?


Number 3.

Baroke Boobies.


In the dining room of the Swedish Parliament, a nude painting by a baroke artist, was taken down in fear of offending the butt-hurt feminists and Muslim visitors. The ban on baroke breasts was explained by a parliamentary source, that "You have to think of the foreign guests."

The deputy speaker of Sweden's parliament, Susanne Eberstein, said  <voice required="name=IVONA 2 Amy">"I think it is more a feminist issue. It's tiresome (looking at) a bare-breasted woman when I sit at public dinners with foreign guests. I think it feels a little hard to sit there with men who look at us women."</voice>  What next?  Will she voluntarily start wearing a Burqa?

In other words, screw European culture, and veneration of female beauty in art.  It's no wonder that when I think of Swedish culture, my mind draws a blank. Their feminists are too busy destroying what little culture they have. At the same time, Sweden recently made international headlines for allowing a convicted paedophile man in his 60s to adopt a young child.  You just can't make this stuff up, and you can't fix stupid.
Number 4.

Free Speech Permits.

students who engage in free speech activities, are required to apply for a permit issued weekdays between 8 a.m. and 5 p.m.

A student handing out flyers, was not only told to get a permit, but to also seek approval from school officials over the content of his hand-outs, and to restrict his activity to a campus “free-speech zone.” If you think this story is from the former Soviet Union, or Communist China, you would be wrong.  It's from California Polytechnic State University-Pomona.

To distribute literature on campus, you must check in with the Office of Student Life, allow the school to copy your IDs, and wear badges signed by an administrator (who is also probably known as "Dear Leader").

Land of the free? My Ass.
Number 5.

Using the word 'old.'

In February, Roz Altmann, the Government’s Older Worker’s Champion, declared war on “ageist stereotypes” including the words and phrases "old", "elderly", "frail", "past it", "over the hill" and "decrepit". “Even words such as mature, senior or pensioner are terms that diminish the perceived value of older adults,” she said, adding, “these ageist terms should be as unacceptable as racist or sexist ones.” Her inoffensive alternative, “older adults,” is thought to have caught on in approximately one British household – Miz Altmann’s.

Just another aging baby-boomer, trying to sell us things like  "60 is the new 40." clap-trap.

Number 6.

Coke Classic Butt-hurt.

Back in 2013, Coke had to cancel a contest in Canada,  after a bottle cap called someone Ree tard.


It’s no fun to be called names, but usually you only have to worry about it from people. However, this time, as a Canadian woman learned when she cracked open a Vi-tih-menn Water.  She was met with the words “YOU Ree tard”. That’s one hell of a glitch.

The whole thing was apparently part of a sweepstakes by parent company Coca-Cola. The idea was that the caps would match a random English word (example “you”) with a French word (example “Ree tard“) and players could collect caps to make silly sentences. Butt-hurt ensues! Humor did not.

The woman and her mangina husband, who found the cap, were shocked and butt-hurt. Just one complaint to Coca-Cola, the whole promotion was brought to a grinding halt. No word if the couple attended, or are still, in counselling.

Most canadian take french lessons in elementary school, so most would be able to tell you that 'Ree tard' is french for delay.  There is no excuse, you Ree tard.








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